Author Archives: Catherine Holdsworth
‘Brit’ish advice for Kanye West on how not to be a twat
25 February 2015 by Catherine Holdsworth in Entertainment, The Diversity Dashboard
Tonight is the night of the much-anticipated Brit awards where we will be dazzled by performances by Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift and Kanye West. Yes, you heard us, King Douche Kanye West will be gracing our humble British shores with his presence and will be reigning at the Brit awards this year.
It’s been quite a year already for Kanye and we’re only into our second month. So far, he has launched his fashion collection at New York Fashion Week inspired by the London riots of 2011 (were they all wearing one shoe after looting Foot Locker?) he has engaged in an increasingly bitter Twitter fight started between his ex girlfriend, Amber Rose and his sister-in-law Khloe Kardashian where he essentially calls Rose out for being a ‘hoe’. Oh dear, Kanye, so much drama already. When coming to the much more reserved UK, perhaps you should be aware of the cultural differences before you go on stage tonight. Here are some helpful tips:
Do not announce to the Brit audience that your daughter is the same as Prince George. Yes, we think she is very stylish and incredibly cute but future queen of England? It’s not impossible but incredibly unlikely.
In fact, please leave your daughter at home. We would suggest leaving her somewhere you can find her, perhaps in a north westerly direction. Her tantrums at New York Fashion Week may have seemed empathetically endearing to you but in Britain, we do not encourage spoilt ungrateful young children to ruin an otherwise pleasant afternoon for grown ups. Harper Beckham proved that it is possible to be a toddler and well-behaved at fashion shows, perhaps North can take some valuable lessons from her. Alternatively, she may enjoy a visit to Hamley’s on Regent Street or the Natural History Museum but not the Brits.
Please keep your opinions to yourself. It is widely regarded that Taylor Swift is the queen of music and happiness. If she wins tonight, please do not storm the stage in protest. We are aware that you need to be noticed every five minutes or so but please leave the winners alone. If you do not agree with the results of the evening, perhaps write a letter of complaint (how very British) and we will deal with it in a timely manner in the next six to twelve months.
Understand that the world does not revolve around you. Who can forget the time that humble Kanye compared his struggles to those of Solomon Northup in 12 years a slave? We in Britain are much less fond of boasting about our achievements and prefer the art of self deprecation rather than going on and on about how good we are. We understand that you really like your friends, Beyoncé and Jay-Z (as we do too), but they don’t have to win everything. Give others a chance. Take a back seat.
Finally, there’s nothing we hate more in Britain than self-aggrandising idiots and you seem to be a master of the art of idiocy. Our best advice for you would be to get hold of a copy of The Diversity Dashboard, it’s full of easy to follow advice on communication techniques to guarantee you’ll be well received in any situation.
David Cameron dreams of the Iron Throne
20 February 2015 by Catherine Holdsworth in Business and finance, Game of Thrones on Business
The UK is gearing up for a big election in the next few months. Nick Clegg’s been locked up somewhere in the hope the electorate forgets about him, Labour has launched its ‘pink bus of feminism’ and Nigel Farage is trying not to look like a complete tool in the run up to voting day (not that that seems to matter to the UKIP faithful).
Political rivalries are not new; they have gone on for thousands of years and come hand in hand with deception, backstabbing (remember the Ides of March?) and defamation of character. And you thought Game of Thrones was gory. David Cameron’s ‘hospitality bill’ has just been released and shows that he spent nearly £2,000 of tax payers’ money on entertaining guests like the Queen and, less justifiably, Claudia Schiffer. Perhaps Cameron is as much a fan of Game of Thrones as the rest of us (it would certainly show him being ‘in touch’ with his people) and enjoys flamboyant gestures and indulgent dinner parties much like the characters do.
Some may comment that, given some people pay up to £30,000 for their own wedding, red or otherwise, £2,000 for a whole year entertaining royalty and 1990s supermodels is actually a bargain. However, this bill is only for his private retreat, Chequers. Who knows how much more he has spent in Number 10! Surely the Queen is so used to lavish parties that she might prefer some humble fish and chips on her holiday?
The Tories, to many people of the UK, are the Lannisters of government: overprivileged toffs who take it for granted that they should be in charge of the country (so does that make Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband Stannis Baratheon and Daenerys Targaryen?). Only time will tell whether Dave will be elected for a second term and it is probable that he may have to settle for another coalition. However, with the economy still at functioning at a less than optimal level, and national cuts being made left right and centre, perhaps Cameron could focus more on how to help the country rather than fuelling the perception that he is an entitled, public school-educated posh boy who has no interest in the working and middle classes.
Certainly Cameron, in contrast to King Joffrey, has (to our knowledge) not ordered any decapitations during his time in office, but many voters who could sway the upcoming election need to be convinced that Cameron is interested in more than keeping rich people rich (and poor people poor). We would suggest that Cameron read our upcoming book, Game of Thrones on Business, which is full of tips and advice on how to recognise the signs that your Lannister side is overcoming your Stark good intentions and rectify it before you get shot in the privy.
Would you get sent to Mars?
18 February 2015 by Catherine Holdsworth in Business and finance, Current events
We’ve all had jobs we’d rather forget, whether it be working in a rowdy bar cleaning up vomit from the toilets or spending your days in a call centre and getting abuse thrown at you for your whole shift. But these are run-of-the-mill jobs (for most of us) that we have to do so that we can climb the ladder of success to reach the goal of being happy in our careers.
But what is the oddest job? This week, NASA revealed the top ten finalists for their Mars One mission. These will be the first people to live on another planet, permanently. No more chocolate bars, binge watching of Keeping up with the Kardashians or relaxing walks on the beach for these people. They are all on a one-way mission to become Martians and will leave our planet forever. The very idea of this mission has sent the Infinite Ideas office into a panic. We really don’t want to go to Mars, thank you very much, it’s hard enough to psych ourselves to go to London when needs must! Therefore, people that really want to do this are most likely slightly odd themselves and planet Earth will probably not miss them very much. Goodbye and thank you Martians!
What do you mean you’re going to Mars, Roger?
However, after the scare of being sent to Mars, we found an equally odd job that might seem really fun. The position of Antarctic postmaster has become available and we think it would be just lovely to spend a few months ‘down south’ playing with penguins and making snow men. Sure, apparently the penguins smell a bit, but so will you if you live in the Antarctic (with no shower for a month, apparently) so you probably will come to really love the smell of ‘eau de penguin’. Though it might be lonely, you can take lots of books with you and, working in the post office, you can get lots of care packages of Dairy Milk and PG Tips sent from your mum. It’s probably very safe as we assume the crime rate in Antarctica is very low (excuse the pun) and there are no polar bears as they are northern dwellers (much like Jon Snow).
So if any of these rather silly jobs appeal to you, we can help you out. Though we will not be joining you on your mission to Mars, we will give you lots of business tips on how to make sure you secure your dream job. Surely the Mars trip will need a leader (though we fear some sort of Lord of the Flies scenario will ensue) and so to help them out, our book, 100+ Management Models by Fons Trompenaars and Piet Hein Coebergh is an excellent resource for an efficient leader. We will be with you in spirit, Mars One.
Valentine’s Day, Game of Thrones style
13 February 2015 by Catherine Holdsworth in Entertainment, Game of Thrones on Business, Lifestyle
If you were not inspired by our last blog when planning your Valentine weekend, how about doing something more fantastical, magical and indulgent? Over the next few days, a pop-up restaurant in London is hosting a Game of Thrones themed feast with opulent dishes inspired by the hit TV show.
Diners can eat like King Joffrey as they feast on giant platters of regal food and sip on goblets of the finest wine. Unfortunately for most of us, this is an exclusive event with the guests drawn out of a hat. One can only imagine how atmospheric it must be to find yourself transported to King’s Landing, your servants bringing plate after plate of delicious food, all while shouting ‘off with his head’ to your council.
However, if you are a massive fan of the show like we are at Infinite Ideas, why not plan your own Game of Thrones Valentine’s activities. With the fifth season only 59 days away, what could be better than a weekend spent watching your favourite episodes with your favourite person. Did you know that there is a food called a Crown Prince Squash? Well neither did we but it’s really like a green pumpkin. Why not try and get your hands on one and make a delicious, royal pie.
If you are thinking that you haven’t made any plans and things are getting a bit desperate, Infinite Ideas have come up with some tips on how NOT to spend Valentine’s day. No matter how much you love Game of Thrones, we strongly advise that you do not try the following at home (or anywhere else really):
- Practise incest: whether it be shagging your sibling like Cersei and Jaime Lannister or feeling-up your sister on horseback, this is possibly the number one no-no when it comes to romance.
- Get engaged to a psychopath: poor Sansa really didn’t have a choice when she became betrothed to King Joffrey but ‘when you bleed I will put a son in you’ is hardly the stuff of true love. Before you fall victim to Sansa’s fate, do a background check on anyone who seems a bit dodgy.
- Break your vow of chastity for a woman with a dodgy northern accent: Jon Snow thought he was doing really well as aspiring leader of the Night’s Watch. That was, until he was seduced by (clearly not) northern Ygritte. She’s not worth it*, Jon, but at least she isn’t your sister!
- Fall in love with your employer: since the very first time they met, Daenerys has put Jorah in the friend-zone with no way out. Poor man must bear the burden of his unrequited love. But as he learnt, falling in love with your boss is never a good idea.
- Share your beau with a family member: Much like practising incest, we do not advise you to take inspiration from Renly and sleep with your wife’s brother. No judgement but perhaps you should seek enjoyment elsewhere.
If you enjoyed Infinite Ideas’ infinite wisdom, our book, Game of Thrones on Business by Tim Phillips and Rebecca Clare will also be released in 59 days’ time.
*Actually, we grew to love Ygritte despite her strange vowels. Perhaps she was worth it after all.
50 shades of great sex
11 February 2015 by Catherine Holdsworth in Entertainment, Lifestyle
There are only two days to go until the most anticipated film of the year is released in the cinemas. While many people have been protesting the release of 50 Shades of Grey, claiming it promotes domestic violence, others have booked up their tickets months in advance (that’s delayed gratification for you!)
One can’t help but notice the rather obvious connection between the film and its release date. Valentine’s Day is on Saturday; no doubt the production companies are hoping for a surge in ticket sales as husbands begrudgingly take their wives to the local Odeon for their annual night out together. We can’t think of anything worse than being taken on a date to a packed cinema where we watch two hours of BDSM with other couples, awkwardly checking our phones when the sex scenes begin and desperately hoping to have a normal conversation at the pub afterwards.
However, for those of you who enjoy that sort of thing, and those who prefer a more, ahem, private Valentine’s Day, Infinite Ideas have a helpful selection of books to get you in the mood to spice up your weekend. If early reviews of the film are anything to go by you’ll find far more to titillate you here than in Sam Taylor-Johnson’s film.
Whether you’re looking for love or wanting to spice up things in the bedroom, we have something for all tastes: from Master dating to Erotic fantasies (the stacks in the library will never be the same again) or perhaps you’d like a night to yourself …
If watching 50 Shades … has inspired you to commit your activities to film, then we have the book just for you: Secrets of porn star sex. This book could help you try something completely new on Valentine’s day, or, while it’s not intended as a career guide, it could help you get your dream job if you’re that way inclined. Its been tried and tested on many couples and has proven to be a real relationship booster as well as having launched the careers of three notable porn stars.*
Rather than churning out the same old kitsch-y bears with hearts rubbish (again, not our cup of tea) perhaps you can make this year’s Valentine’s Day one to remember (or forget, depending on the results of your experiment). Though we at Infinite Ideas want you to enjoy our ideas for great sex, please follow our advice with caution, be safe, and make sure you don’t lose the keys to those handcuffs.
*OK, this is what we hope the book will achieve.
The Intelligence Race
9 February 2015 by Catherine Holdsworth in Codebreaking our future
By Michael Lee, author of Codebreaking our Future
One of the occupational hazards of being a futurist is worrying about things long before they happen. One aspect of the future that worries me a lot is how ill-prepared we are for coping with the continued acceleration of the role of Artificial Intelligence (AI) in the economy.
Just as humans once outstripped animals in the race to dominate Earth, due to our superior brainpower and use of tools, the danger now exists that homo sapiens will fall behind supersmart machines and AI systems in terms of overall efficiency. On top of that, the coming rise of cyborgs, technology-enhanced and AI-enabled humans, could lead to an intelligence divide between them and us which would be even more serious than the digital divide currently prevailing in the field of economic competitiveness.
While the mass media gradually dumb down human culture to about the level of sentience regularly exhibited on the Jerry Springer Show, and while human thought is increasingly fragmented and trivialised by social media like Twitter, celebrity gossip and media-propagated groupthink, and while the once great democratic institution of investigative reporting is reduced to Murdoch-style commercialised and “embedded” journalism, AI is slowly and silently developing much greater capacities which enable its systems and networks to control the main levers of society, from stock market trading to traffic control, from production systems to communication networks. Automation is progressing at the speed of sound, from ATMs and kiosks to drones, from the Google search engine to the Google self-driving car powered by its Google Chauffeur software. In space exploration, automation dominated from the beginning, with Yuri Gagarin becoming the world’s first spaceman thanks to an automated rocket system called Vostok 1 which carried him into orbit.
The truth is, human intelligence is not advancing in today’s post-modern culture, while artificial intelligence is. We need to recognise that there are diverging trajectories of development here. One day, friends, around mid-century, we might wake up in a society controlled almost exclusively by computer programmes, automated systems, IT elites and cyborgs, with humanity, at large, reduced to a pale shadow of itself as a declining subspecies.
Machines and AI systems are already enjoying a spectacular ascent to prominence in today’s economy, taking jobs once carried out by humans. We are entering a phase in which robots and AI systems will take over more sophisticated jobs than those on the assembly-line – receptionists, clerks, teachers, lawyers, medical assistants, legal assistants, pilots, and even so-called “expert systems” like those in the medical profession which can help doctors diagnose diseases like diabetes. In finance, a variety of jobs from loan officers to stockbrokers and traders are being computerised and automated in the coming new world of cyber finance. Finance, it seems, is increasingly reliant on AI and incredibly fast and powerful computers, based on algorithms which can analyse and execute trading deals according to mathematical models.
Clearly, what computer programmes and systems can do is now moving inexorably up a chain of sophistication and complexity. Eventually, one imagines, what can be automated, probably will be – due to the relentless competitive pressures for efficiency and efficacy which prevail in society. Research done by Oxford University predicts that 47% of the human workforce could face replacement by computers.
Let’s briefly revisit what we mean by the terms Artificial Intelligence, the digital divide and, now, the Intelligence Divide.
Apparently, Artificial Intelligence, a branch of computer science which investigates what human capacities can be replicated and performed by computer systems, was a phrase coined in 1956 by John McCarthy at MIT. This field includes such aspects as programming computers to play games against human opponents [1], robotics, developing “expert systems” and programming computers for real-time decision-making and diagnosis, understanding and translating human languages (the ability for artificial “talk” or speech), and the area of simulating neural processes in animals and humans to map and imitate how the brain works.
This is one of my favourite definitions of AI: “The study of the modelling of human mental functions by computer programs.” [2]
The digital divide refers to the gap between those who have access to Information and Communications Technologies (ICTs), especially the Internet, and those who don’t. In effect, the digital “have-nots” are those billions living in poor and deprived social conditions who don’t have the education and skills to know what to do with digital technology and internet even if they did have access to them.
The Global Information Technology Report 2012: Living in a Hyperconnected World [3], published by the World Economic Forum, found that the BRICS countries, led by China, still lag significantly behind the ICT-driven economic competitiveness.
In 2014, The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), looked into the role of education in cementing the global digital divide. The organisation concluded that in many countries, large parts of the adult population have non-existent or insufficient ICT problem-solving skills. For example, they reported, “Between 30% and 50% of the adult population in Ireland, Poland and the Slovak Republic fall into this category.” [4] Yet, as advancing societies become more knowledge-intensive, a growing number of jobs require at least basic ICT skills.
But the digital divide in the world, based on both access to ICT and the education skills to know how to use it, is only the precursor of an Intelligence Divide (ID) which, ultimately, could become an even deeper social fracture than racism has been in the world. The Intelligence Divide would be the growing gap between what human intelligence can do without computer power compared to what AI systems, computer programs and AI-enabled humans, including cyborgs, achieve across a range of intelligent activities including thinking, calculating, decision-making, perceiving, communicating and organising. The divide would be measured in terms of ratios of efficiency and effectiveness for the same activity performed respectively by humans and AI systems and cyborgs in any given social context.
Whether or not a deep Intelligence Divide develops, an Intelligence Race is already underway on the economic front between humans and AI. This race is not about whether a computer can beat a human chess champion but about which jobs can be done better, and more efficiently, by machines than by humans. More and more processes can be automated and this will likely mean fewer jobs for humans in the long-run. The Intelligence Race is sure to become a defining trend of this century.
What concerns me is that our post-modernist world, dominated by the trivialisation of the mass media, the corruption of democracy and the globalisation of self-serving commercialisation, is catapulting humanity into intellectual decline at a time when AI is on the rise. This is one of the main reasons why I’ve become a neo-progressionist. Why let Artificial Intelligence progress at our expense instead of boosting all forms of progress in a wiser, more holistic approach?
The 6,000 year journey of civilisation is still in its infancy when measured in time-scales of the cosmos and the biosphere itself and this probably means humanity has nowhere near reached its full potential. Of course, I would much prefer to see human intelligence increasing, not declining, before it’s too late to stop the Intelligence Divide from taking root in the evolution of our history.
See Michael Lee’s video on YouTube “Finding Future X” at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQItLRhzkMY
[1] In May, 1997, the super-computer called Deep Blue defeated world chess champion Gary Kasparov in a chess match.
[2] Collins English Dictionary:85. (Harper Collins Publishers, 4th edition, 1998). Some other definitions of AI include:
“A term applied to the study and use of computers that can simulate some of the characteristics normally ascribed to human intelligence, such as learning, deduction, intuition, and self-correction. The subject encompasses many branches of computer science, including cybernetics, knowledge-based systems, natural language processing, pattern recognition, and robotics.” The Cambridge Encyclopedia 4th Edition.(CambridgeUniversity Press, 2000.) “The theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks normally requiring human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making, and translation between languages.” The New Oxford Dictionary of English. (Oxford University Press,1998. )
[4] “Trends shaping Education 2014 Spotlight 5” by the OECD www.oecd.org/edu/ceri/trendsshapingeducation2013.htm
